My mind races...a million miles a day

But merely in circles

My fear? That I'll hurt you

Or even me...

So I've replayed this...so many thousand ways

Rebuilt it, re-worked it

Til I'm weak, and feel jerked, and...

Lost...

Damn, I'm so lost...

Forgiving wasn't a task, but forgetting ain't easy

The memories sit, in the very pit of me

I hold no grudges...I lack the ability

But damn, it's killing me

To build this courage up, when you're not around

But in your presence,

Shut up, and shut it down…so willingly

This is hard...

Shit, this is hard...

I've tried to, read things, and act accordingly...

...It's useless

It's clear to me, that time will tell

And honestly, I wanna hate you

Make it easy on myself

You'd think I'd gained some mode of strength

A way to get a hold of things

Stand up, and speak this time, but hell

It's just confusing...

So damn confusing...

At one point, I found a way to ignore it

Someone else to pay attention to

I'd laugh at friends, with interventions

Anytime they'd mention you

And how I felt

I'd shrug it off...continued laughing

Continued gambling against bidding truths...

But with no wins...

Damn, I can't win...

Are you still up on that cloud?

Because your head, it seems aloft

The churning winds, the turbulence

Have you been noticing at all?

Droppin notes and subtle hints

And the closest my rebuttals get

To your actions as such

Has been packed, been stuffed

With pleasantness...

Hindering me...my wish, decree

So you can't see...

Why can't you see?

So...with my spirit in a rut...

Spill my guts, or feel them bust?

Expand myself, or shrivel up?

Until I'm numb...until I'm nothing...

Lord...please, tell me where solutions lie

Give me insight on future times

Some kind of aid, some lucid guide

There must be something....

Shit...

Something...